Ok, here we go. I didn’t set out for my first ever blog post to be about prison. Somehow we got on the subject at my local barber (Midtown Barber) and great friend, Sly’s place last week. I haven’t been able to get what Sly said off of my mind. I was telling him that sometimes when I would visit my dad when he was in prison, he’d spend part of his time seeming a little chapped about lack of people writing or maybe about a time that I may have missed seeing him due to some event or travel or whatever. Sly said this, “have you ever thought about how much visit time you’d have to make in order to get to a full day worth of visits”. I listened curiously to understand. He said, “let’s say you get a two hour visit, every other week from your son. At best that’s only a little over 2 full days of time a year (assuming you do not miss a visit every other week for the full 2 hours – 2 x 26 visits a year = 52hours max). Put yourself in their shoes.” Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is not as easy as it sounds. In some real sense, you can’t. In another sense, you should at least try and you should start practicing today.
Who cares you say as you sit in your comfortable house just a few days before Christmas. I’m not in prison, I don’t know anyone in prison, and if they didn’t do the crime they wouldn’t be doing the time, you say. Well, maybe (more on maybe in another post). Let’s assume that instead of maybe, you’re right about everything you say. Do you think that person sitting in there has a father, a mother, a spouse, a sister, a brother, a son, a daughter, or at least one friend that wishes that they could see this “wretched law-breaker” even if only for a short visit? If you have no sympathy for the one in prison, could your heart have any sympathy for even one in that list I mentioned?
I have a lot more to say in another post or posts about prison and some of the ways I have been personally affected. I understand there are victims of murder and other heinous crimes and their families that would never have the option of visiting their loved ones and will only live with the pain. I also understand that people make decisions that they must live with for the rest of their lives. But guess what, we’re all humans here and none of us are as bad as the worst thing we’ve ever done. Can you put yourself in their shoes? Are you only willing to put yourself in the victim’s shoes?
Another conversation I was having this week was with a colleague. He’s a business owner in the parking industry who writes a monthly article in a trade magazine we’re both a part of. He mentioned that it really fuels him when he gets positive encouragement from the readers and is a bit deflating when he gets criticism but that the positive far outweighs the negative. I find his writings to be honest and real and always look forward to reading. If something particularly touches me, I’ll reach out to him and let him know. Part of my message back to him was encouraging him to keep it up because a philosophy I have is that if something I do, say, or write helps one person, it’s all worth it. The other thing I said I try to remind myself and family of often is that you never know what someone is going through so do all you can to be nice. While I’ve failed A LOT at this, it’s ALWAYS my goal. Wouldn’t it be a better place if this goal was all of ours?
You really don’t have a clue what someone is going through, what they’ve gone through or where they’re headed. Even family, and/or folks you think you know have struggles you may never know about. Whether life looks “good or bad” on the outside, it’s a damn fight for all of us. If things are hard enough no matter what, why do we make it even harder on ourselves and each other? Just be nice!
The Brewer Family 