This is our 20th Christmas since we were married in 2003. Wow. Where did the time go? What has changed? What has stayed the same? What has gotten worse? What has gotten better?
We married in October of 2003 and spent our first Christmas in Elkin, NC. For the first few years we were bouncing from one family unit to another all day on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day. From Amanda’s mom’s family get together to my mom’s house to Amanda’s parents’ house to Amanda’s Dad’s family get together to Norman and Jennifer’s to Norma and Leo’s to my Dad’s family and back home. As the years went by and our own family started to grow, all of this “running around” became increasingly harder and challenging on a number of levels.
In 2006 we moved to Clemmons, NC and still tried to do our best to make all of the family get togethers. It was challenging but we still did it and there’s no doubt we enjoyed seeing all of the folks but life was becoming increasingly more complex. I’m sure it wasn’t just us. Other kids were turning into adults, other adults were turning into grandparents, other grandparents were turning into great grandparents, and life was really happening for all.
Carolina Time Christmas Party 2007 – Mr. Henry Allen
The years kept rolling, gray hairs started coming, careers started developing, love kept growing, and in 2009 the Brewer family gained a beautiful little girl (more on her later). What do we do now with all the additional complexities? Well, we still try to do everything we’ve always done, just with another one. We got up, we would open gifts, hug each other, and roll out for another packed day of running around. I had a coworker say to me one time, “why don’t you just tell everybody your doors are open if they want to come see you?”. Damn, what a concept. I didn’t listen for a few years.
In 2012 we gained another Brewer (more on him later too). Mr. Allen died a few days after Canaan was born (more on this fine man in his own post at some point). Our family and other responsibilities were growing. The holidays came and so did Santa! The holidays brought more and more joy to the Brewer household. Things were getting more and more complex for sure! The days were long and the years were short.
In 2014 we moved to Trophy Club, Texas. This took the holiday hustle to whole new level. There’s way too much ink to spill on all that this move was for our family. That’s several other posts worth of material. We’ll just focus on the Christmas aspect of things. There was no way that we wouldn’t make the journey back to North Carolina for Christmas. While we were in Texas for 3 years, we traveled back by plane a couple of times and we drove back and forth once.
We were back on North Carolina soil for Christmas 2017. We landed in a perfect rental house for the first 6 months. Canaan got a Honda CRF 50 from Santa that year! Aunt Mesha took the kids to build a bear after Christmas to spoil them with any bear they wanted and all of the accessories. We miss you, Mesha. You left us too soon! (More on that later) We also added a furry face to the family. Grady Boy has been such an awesome new family member.
The next few years brought some of their own challenges and another addition to the family. We weren’t looking to foster a child, but one day a door opened and the next day we had Donnie (more on him later too). Our family keeps growing and so does our interesting family dynamics. We are back in North Carolina, we have another child we’re raising that isn’t ours and we’ve learned that as long as we have each other, we have everything we need. As I add photos, I see less family get togethers and more of my family getting together. Some things seem to stay the same while others have vastly changed.
Here we are in 2023. The is our 20th Christmas. It’s gone from being the two of us traveling all over the place on Christmas morning to 5 of us here at our house all day. Well 7 of us now if you count Grady Boy and our newest addition, Tabba (Tabitha the mean kitty). I have no idea where the last 20 years have gone but I have learned a few things.
Some people love you for you and stay by your side and support you no matter what. These people make it easy on you because they realize that life is hard enough anyway. They don’t agree with everything you say or do but they don’t even talk about those things they just love you for being you and love that you’re together.
Some people stand by you and support you if you see the world exactly the same as they do. This is perhaps one of the oddest developments over the last few years. I’m sure other individuals and families have experienced similar things but the politicizing of everything in our lives has divided the world. This is perhaps the saddest when families are unnecessarily torn apart at the seams because one person sees things one way and one person sees things another way. I couldn’t care less how someone views things politically, but when attacks come on the one that means the most to me, you better believe I will choose a side.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is how this should make me a better parent to my adult children one day. As with everything in life, you can either let it destroy you or let it make you better. I’ve learned just as much or more from the ones that have stood by us through thick and thin as with the ones that haven’t. If my kids don’t view the world the same as me, then I must’ve done something right. You see, that means they are using their brains! If they want to move away and live somewhere else when they get older, I guess I’ll have to get on a plane and go visit them and encourage them to see the world. Do I want my kids to abandon anything I’ve taught them? No. Do I want my kids to move away? No. Will I stand by them and their choices and be so proud of them as long as they are doing what they love and doing it with a kind heart? Yes!
So, here we are, Christmas Day 2023. We’re relaxed, the kids are able to play freely with their toys from Santa, the animals are glad we’re here, Donnie is happy because he gets to also go see his “Grandparents”, it’s Sunday so we also get to enjoy some “zoom church”, and I could go on and on. Do we miss some of the running around we used to do? Yes. Do we miss some of the faces that we could always count on around the holidays? Yes. Are we thankful that things are just exactly the way they are? Yes. This all makes us who we are. We love all of our family and friends and only hope that one day we’ll have all parts back together in one form or fashion. Until then, our doors are open every holiday and we’d love nothing more than to see any and all come through our door. I’ll end with a little encouragement from a pastor/theologian that I greatly respect. I think it’s a perfect summary of how life could work best if we all followed. “In all things essential, unity. In all things non-essential, liberty; and in all things, love.” Thabiti Anyabwile
The Brewer Family 